Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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