the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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