Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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