I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I want her autograph on my taint
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
