fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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