Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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