i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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