I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
