I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
