dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
