Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What a dumb baby whore.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
