evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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