Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im holly from the hills drunk
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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