fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
