Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
