How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
