Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Still dying that you shit outside
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize