idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize