just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
