I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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