We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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