Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
