I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
