Pants 0. Shit 1.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
