Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
