She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
