How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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