I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i've created a new STD.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize