Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
should my penis look like a turkey
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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