my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
