Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
