That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
