he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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