elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
