Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
