Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
