i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
