Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
