exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
