smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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