talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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