): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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