We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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