my shit smells like andre
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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