soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
