walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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