So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
