i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
