The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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