We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
