I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
