The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
