If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
