Non-Jews are for practice
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
