ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
