So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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