Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
