did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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