You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
