My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
