i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
