mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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