3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
