tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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