i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
