i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
