I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
