You made eat vitamins until I threw up
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
