I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
