DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
