It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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