pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
