I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
