I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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