God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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