I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
