dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
